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If you or your partner were lucky enough to be born with a prostate then it is essential to get comfortable with the idea that stimulating it will take you (or your partner) to a world of pleasure unimaginable.

While it may seem intimidating to get past the idea of being an exit only, once your partner understands the immense benefits of a prostate massage, it will only be a matter of time before they cave.  The appeal of an out of this world orgasm usually has it's way of getting through a mental block.

Highlights of stimulating your partners prostate

  • The prostate is an almond sized gland inside the male pelvis
  • It can feel really really good thanks to the many nerve endings in the anus and surrounding area.
  • Because the anal lining and anus are very sensitive, prostate massages do come with risks like pain and tearing.
  • It’s essential to communicate what you and your partner are and aren’t comfortable with.
  • Prepare physically by washing your hands, using latex gloves if you want, taking deep breaths, and lots of foreplay.
  • If you’re using your fingers to give a prostate massage you can try applying firm yet gentle area to the perineum.
  • Lube is essential for anal penetration but avoid numbing agents.
  • Only use sex toys that have a flared base or safety rings for anal play.

What is a Prostate where is it located, and who has one?

The prostate gland is a small reproductive organ that helps with sexual function. Prostates are found only in the bodies of people born male. The organ is located between the bladder and the penis, in front of the rectum. 

The ducts from the prostate gland flow directly into the urethra.  This is the reason that those who suffer from prostate related issues may also suffer from urinary tract issues.

The size of a prostate is often compared to that of a walnut, chestnut, or ping-pong ball.

The prostate is a reproductive organ, meaning that it plays a role in sex. The prostate’s job is to provide some of the fluid in every batch of semen that a man produces.  It is made up of tissue known as stroma, secretory glands that produce semen ingredients, and muscle fibers

Along with playing a key part in every typical male orgasm, the prostate itself is a source of pleasure when it’s stimulated correctly. When the P-spot is massaged through anal penetration, a man can reach a unique and intense orgasm.

anatomy diagram of male reproductive organs

 

Why does a prostate massage feel so good?

The main reason why stimulating the prostate feels so good is that it is filled with blood vessels and nerve endings.  When stimulating the prostate you will increase the blood flow to the area causing them to swell and become increasingly sensitive.  

The nerve endings found in and around the anus are key sources of pleasure when when stimulated correctly and safely.

The prostate orgasm is the holy grail of pleasure for men.
The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Massaging

What are the risks of giving my partner a prostate massage?

The anus is a non-lubricating hole which in and of itself has inherent risks of tearing. This is also true of the anal mucosa which is the lining of the anus.  Made up of soft and stretchy tissue, each of these areas can stretch out but they have their limitations.  It is this reason that without lubricant and other precautions, anal penetration can cause tearing and pain.

In the unfortunate event that tearing does occur, you become more susceptible to infections and further irritation.  You should seek immediate medical attention if this should occur.

Find your perfect prostate massager

For first time timers, it is not uncommon to feel pressure and be a bit uncomfortable.  Some people compare the feeling to having to use the bathroom urgently.  Proper preparation, lubricant, and lots of foreplay can help with this.

A man and a woman sharing a kiss

Getting Your Partner to Try Prostate Massaging for the First Time 

First of all, only sexual activity that is 100 percent consensual is encouraged.  Anal penetration needs to acknowledges and agreed upon by all partners involved.  You never want to shock your partner by penetrating with out them being ready.

Of course, it’s very natural for some hesitation and nerves to come into play when exploring new forms of play. Working through those feelings as a team, and in a supportive way, can be an incredibly intimate and gratifying process.

RELATED: The Coital Alignment Technique: What is it and How to Do It? 

If your partner is a bit nervous about receiving a prostate massage, they're likely to have one or more of these concerns:

  • Is it healthy and safe?
  • Is it very painful?
  • Isn’t prostate play more of a “guy on guy” activity?

Prostate play is absolutely healthy and safe when performed correctly. As long as you practice good hygiene, proper preparation (learn more below), and proceed gently, then the activity is safe and clean.

As mentioned, there will probably be some discomfort, especially during your first time. There may even be a bit of pain but it is very important to know the difference between first time discomfort and real pain.  This will help you avoid anal trauma.

Tip

Getting your mind and body used to penetration simply takes some practice. This process is much easier with the help of an understanding and patient partner—and some lube, of course.  For even more preparation, it's always recommended to get familiar with best practices before trying the real thing.

 

Finally, regarding the question of who should and shouldn’t be enjoying a prostate massage—well, that’s a bit of an outdated concern, but we know it’s still part of the discussion.  The real answer is anybody who has a prostate and has an open mind should try it.  Some people simply cannot wrap their head around this type of sexual activity and therefore should not attempt.

Help your guy feel safe, supported, and sexy. Once he lets his guard down, he’ll start to move past those hang-ups and embrace new experiences.

How to prepare to give a prostate massage?

Preparation is an important part of any play that involves anal penetration. If you’ve ever been a “receiver” yourself, then you’re well aware. If you’re brand new to anal play, just remember that preparation and communication are your keys to success.

Here are the basic steps that should occur before every prostate massage session:

  • Thoroughly clean the anal area, your hands, and the toy as well, if using one.  We recommend following CDC guidelines for handwashing.
  • If you would like, this is a good time to use a nitrile or latex glove (be careful of any latex allergies).
  • For those with any sort of trauma on your hands or if you have long fingernails, its highly recommended to use protective gloves.
  • Generously apply lube to the anal area and your finger or toy.
  • You can even use an anal douche for a thorough cleaning

How to prepare to get a prostate massage?

It's not uncommon to feel like you have to urinate when receiving a prostate massage so it is best practice to use the bathroom before hand.

The receiver should be completely relaxed. Focusing on relaxing the sphincter muscles will help penetration to occur.   There are several different methods to relaxing but the most common is deep breathing.  Focusing on your breathing has been known to lower stress, blood pressure, and relax the body.

The receiver should also be turned on.  Foreplay not only turns you on but like deep breathing, it can help relax the body.

Tip

To begin with penetrative play, a finger is the easiest starting point. Just remember to trim those fingernails beforehand.

Along with whatever foreplay you typically enjoy, some external rubbing of the perineum (i.e. the taint or gooch) area can help move things forward. This motion can start to bring pleasurable sensations towards the anal and prostate regions.

Use lube for anything that’s inserted, including a finger. Move slowly and gently. Follow your partner’s cues, ask questions, and do whatever you can to help them feel comfortable and zoned-in on the experience.

How do I know when I’ve found the Prostate?

You can find the prostate one of two ways.  The first way is externally via the perineum.  This is the soft area between the balls and the anus. 

The second way is through physical penetration.  You’ll reach the prostate after a few inches of penetration.

If you yourself have a prostate, it’s obviously a bit easier to familiarize yourself with the area. If you don’t, then be sure to do your homework and encourage feedback from your partner while you’re performing a prostate massage.

The key is to constantly communicate with your partner and ask them what they are feeling and how they are feeling. 

The partner being penetrated should be in charge and openly communicate what exactly they feel.

If you decide to use a toy, it’s helpful to first locate the prostate with your finger. The tissue that surrounds the prostate feels a bit different. You might notice that it’s slightly raised or feels firmer than the neighboring areas.

You’ll also know you’ve hit the spot if your partner starts to feel some intensely pleasurable sensations. Of course, keep in mind that nervousness can get in the way. So don’t necessarily expect an immediate “oh-my-god” moment the instant you make contact.

What is the Best Position to Deliver a Prostate Massage

Here are a few great positions to consider:

Sex Positions for Prostate Massage

Missionary Position

Receiver lies on their back, legs spread to allow the giver to work the toy

Doggy Style

Receiver is on all fours while the giver is behind or to the side 

Spooning

Receiver lies on their side and the giver lies behind them with bodies pressed together

Note

Just like any form of penetrative sex, there are lots of positions to choose from for prostate massage. It’s all about choosing a position where your partner feels physically and mentally comfortable.

A prostate massage is essentially a form of anal sex, so your partner can assume any position that’s appropriate for receiving anal sex.

Two men embracing and holding hands

 

For you, the giver, it’s all about your hands. You’ll need to be positioned so that you can use your hand, or hands as well as any toy you might decide to use.

Keep in mind that a prostate massage is a slow-paced form of play, since it can take around 30 minutes of massage to achieve a P-spot orgasm. So, pick positions that will be comfortable for more than a few minutes at a time. Or, switch positions a few times during your session.

The positions listed above allow for the giver to use their hands to work the massager toy. They also allow for different sorts of physical embracing to occur simultaneously with the penetrative play.

Looking for some more fun position ideas? Check out our guide on anal sex positions for couples.

What are the best ways to stimulate my partners prostate?

It is generally accepted that when starting in prostate play it is best to start with a finger.  Using your finger allows you to get comfortable inside of

Blog poststhe anal cavity.  You can find out exactly where the prostate is and what makes your partner feel the most pleasure.

If your partner is not quite ready to be penetrated, you can still massage their prostate by applying pressure on the perineum.  You can rub their perineum in different circular motions with varying amounts of pleasure.

If your partner is not quite ready to be penetrated, you can still massage their prostate by applying pressure on the perineum

To get your partner comfortable start with your pinky finger since it is the smallest.  Once you both agree to take the next step you should proceed with a larger finger or multiple fingers.

When you are inside of the anus, gently rub around with your finger, stimulating different areas.  This works best to find out just what your partner likes.  Since the prostate is located above the anus, using your finger in a "come hither" motion allows you to stroke it effectively.

If you are using a sex toy such as a prostate massager, its important to make sure that it has the necessary safety features to keep your partner safe.  To start, the toy should have a flared base or some sort of safety ring that will allow you to maintain a grip on the item as it is inside the rectum.  If you have no way of holding the item or does not have a flared safety base, you risk have the toy get sucked up into the body.  This is a sure way to ruin your night and end your partner up in a hospital.

The anal toy should be made of body safe materials such as silicone, Glass, or steel to ensure that no bacteria will form.  To be safe, it is important to clean the toy thoroughly with soap and warm water before and after each use. 

 

 

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