For many couples, the trusty hand job was something they left behind as they began to explore more exciting and adventurous alternatives. However, for others, it's still an incredibly sensual addition to their bedroom play, focusing on one partner and spoiling them with attention.
Why do so many look down on the lowly hand job or feel ashamed and conflicted by the act? Sexual health experts share the consensus that it's not just healthy but promotes sexual well-being. We can't argue with that, and nor should we.
According to Ami Rokach, Ph.D., and Karishma Patel, M.Sc., the leading contributors to the Sexual Behaviours study in the publication Human Sexuality, factors contributing to a fulfilling sexual relationship include communication and intimacy. They explore differences in male and female masturbation, how 92% of males had masturbated to orgasm at least once in their lives compared to only 58% of females, and how much more frequently men masturbated compared to women.
With intimacy and communication playing such a valuable role in partnered sex—and with the payouts of frequent male masturbation suggesting it to be a highly pleasurable pastime—why wouldn't it be a wonderful addition as something couples can share to boost their time together?
In fact, all of our sex lives could stand to benefit through masturbation, whether carried out solo or with our partners.
For men, masturbation can be used to explore the difference in sexual function between solo and partnered sex.
And for women, aligning their masturbation practice with partnered sex can increase their likelihood of achieving orgasms.
We've all got something to gain from sharing this intimate and sensual act, bringing more pleasure and strengthening relationships as we do.
Who's qualified to give tips on how to give a handjob?
The most qualified person to give tips on the ideal hand job is the owner of the penis you'll be working with. Chances are, whatever you might think of or be willing to try, they've been there already on their own.
They'll know what feels good because they've been perfecting the art since they were a teenager.
That said, you should absolutely endeavor to throw a few surprise hand job techniques into the mix while pleasuring your partner. They'll appreciate you shaking things up, adding to the excitement. But as we're about to uncover, with any sexual activity between two or more partners, communication is the key to unlocking as many doors as you dare.
Prepare for the main event
You'll be dealing with the most sensitive areas of the body, so preparing properly is a must. Wash your hands, moisturize them if they're rough, cracked, and calloused, trim your nails, and take off any rings or jewelry that might get in the way.
Have all your toys, lubes, oils, visual aids, and stimulants ready to go, and if you're going to dress up for the occasion, make sure that's taken care of before you start the process. Teasing is a turn-on, but making them wait when they're ready to go is a true mood-killer.
Okay, with our introduction over, let's get down to the main event: our 25 tips on how to give a hand job they'll never forget.
1. Communication is king
– it's the quickest way to learn his favorite handjob techniques
Close couples know that the perfect sex life doesn't happen by accident. None of us are mind-readers; however in tune with each other we may be, there's always something to gain from open and clear communication. Talk about it. Ask your partner what they like.
There's no one-size-fits-all trick because every last one of us has different tastes and limits.
If you can encourage them to show you, that could be a huge turn-on in itself. Plenty of couples masturbate in front of each other; why not you? Not only will you learn the techniques your partner likes, but you'll also see how they react during different stages and what they do to get the most out of their climax. By watching their facial expressions and body language, you'll learn a lot about their pace, their preferences, how much pressure they use throughout the act, and anything else they do to turn themself on.
Also, don't be afraid to ask them to take over when you need a break. The best handjob should turn you both on, so using your free hand on yourself or taking turns with yourselves and each other can soon turn a good handjob into a great hand job.
Finally, on the subject of communication, the talking shouldn't end just because the action does. You don't want to kill the mood by bringing up too much during the act, but once the dust settles, unpacking what was hot or not and what parts made the difference between a good hand job and a great hand job provides even more insight and invaluable lessons.
2. Remember, it's not a race
For penis owners, masturbation is the Swiss Army penknife of self-stimulation. It can be quick and easy to get something out of their system or simply kill a little time, or it can be a slow, drawn-out erotic experience, an act of pure pleasure, exploring themselves to deliver mighty orgasms.
For penis owners, masturbation is the Swiss Army penknife of self-stimulation.
A good hand job between a couple starts slow and builds with the mood, and shouldn't be a race to the line but a journey towards the most stimulation and mightiest climax.
3. Build anticipation
As with foreplay during sex, a great hand job increases in intensity as you go. Play with their inner thighs and explore their entire body to tease the places that feel good. Even with one hand on their penis, you have five more fingers to build your partner's pleasure.
4. Take care
Your partner's penis is incredibly sensitive and delicate, so take care of it. When you watch them masturbate, it may appear quite rough, but you have to remember they've had years of practice and know exactly what feels good and what doesn't.
Rome wasn't built in a day, so it might be a bad idea to attempt to replicate their actions from the word go. Instead, gently grab the penis for that all-important first contact and follow their cues regarding pressure and pace. A man's testicles are also extremely sensitive, so the same goes for those too.
5. Play with his balls
Speaking of testicles, they're also equally sensitive. You only have to tap, knock, or nudge them to find your partner recoiling, sucking air through their teeth, and grimacing. So, if they're that sensitive to touch, imagine what it must feel like when treated with the right amount of care and attention. You've got two hands; there's no reason you shouldn't use your spare one to notch the experience up a level.
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WHAT YOU NEED TO DO |
WHY YOU SHOULD DO IT |
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Fondle them |
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Squeeze them |
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Pull them |
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Lick and suck them |
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6. Play with the pace
You'll know from your own masturbation how much pleasure varying the pace brings. So at the beginning of each hand job, take it nice and slow, building pace as anticipation and sensations grow.
You'll know from your own masturbation how much pleasure varying the pace brings.
A little teasing will definitely add to your partner's pleasure, which is what makes edging such a popular partner-play masturbation game, as well as far more powerful orgasms.
Slowing the pace can prevent an early end to your hand job and give your wrists a break when you've worked at a solid pace for lengthy periods.
7. Put on a show
We're not suggesting you create a complete fantasy scenario here (unless roleplay is your thing; then knock yourselves out), but given how many of us are stimulated by what we see and hear, a little added arousal goes a long way to boost the thrill during hand jobs.
Teasing and flirting will build anticipation, while acting submissively or dominating the situation—whichever turns them on—will add a new layer to the experience.
8. Make eye contact
Not only will you learn so much more of what you need to know from his facial expressions, but eye contact is incredibly intimate and sexual. And if you think eye contact adds to the intimacy of your hand jobs, imagine how turned on your partner will get when making the same eye contact during a blow job.
9. Pay attention to body language
You'll learn a lot from looking your partner in the eye, and following your partner's body language delivers essential cues on how to act in each moment and, quite possibly, what's going on in your partner's mind.
If they're writhing around or pushing against your grip, you're doing it right; keep doing what you're doing. If they don't give away too much, a gentle check-in is a great way to ensure they're getting what they like.
10. Start dry, and then add lube
For most, an extra layer of lubrication makes for a great hand job. You don't have to dive in with all your accessories, lotions, and oils straight away but slowly build with the mood, adding to the experience a little at a time.
For most, an extra layer of lubrication makes for a great hand job
Silicone lube will last longer than water-based lube during your hand jobs, but if you plan to have penetrative sex afterward with condoms or to play with silicone toys, you'll need to choose a lube that won't react or break down their materials.
11. Apply pressure (but not too much)
How much pressure makes the best hand job varies from man to man. Some will like it loose and wet, while others prefer a tight restrictive grip. How will you know what your partner likes? Simple—ask them. If you don't want to have a full-blown conversation about it, place their hand over yours and ask them to show you how hard is hard enough, occasionally checking in to see when or if they want you to up the pressure or the pace.
A different type of pressure can be utilized by making an ad-hoc cock ring with your thumb and forefinger.
Clamping tightly around the base of the penis traps the blood in place, causing the head to engorge while encouraging a stronger erection. With a bigger and harder penis, carry on where you left off, adding to the feel-good factor.
12. Play with his precum
As your partner becomes aroused, they'll produce precum, the most natural lubricant available. Teasing it around the head of the penis in small circles with your fingers won't just build sensation and pleasure; it will encourage further precum production, making the experience slippier and sexier for both partners.
13. Apply some twisting in opposite directions
The traditional hand job motion involves stroking the penis up and down. However, there's plenty of room to experiment, and with a slippery wet penis to play with, a little twisting brings something extra to such manual stimulation.
The traditional hand job motion involves stroking the penis up and down.
Gently squeeze the full length of your partner's penis using both hands. Then, slowly turn each hand in opposite directions and back again, as if you're gently wringing it out (but without any excessive pressure).
The hand at the glans (or head of the penis) will stimulate the most sensitive area, but, in this instance, giving him a hand is good, but giving him two hands is better!
14. Play with the perineum
The perineum (also known as the taint) is the area between the anus and testicles and is littered with nerve endings. It's sensitive to tickling and light scratching, but even better, it's a great place to access the male G-spot (the prostate) without penetration through the anus.
Prostate and perineum orgasms add intensity to conventional penile orgasms, so if your partner's open to experimenting, it can be a real game changer in giving a good handjob.
Anatomy of the Perineum
Photo credit: Wikipedia
15. Introduce a little anal play
There are thousands of sensitive nerve endings in and around the anus, so a little tickling and light probing will activate all those extra sensations, sending even more stimulation to the brain.
If you and your partner are prepared to take things to the next level, anilingus is another form of butt play, but this time, using your mouth and tongue while reaching around and continuing to masturbate the penis.
Having your partner on all fours will deliver the most comfortable and accessible positioning.
Again, before engaging in any level of butt play, it's imperative to ensure good hygiene. With that in mind, if you and you're partner are going to engage in anal play, then it needs to be discussed in advance so that you can wash and prepare accordingly.
16. Add prostate play (if he’s okay with it)
If your partner's okay with a little anal play, the next step is to delve a little deeper and stimulate their prostate. Working your partner's penis with one hand and the index finger of your other hand massaging their prostate can take practice—especially working out the best position.
We've created dedicated pages to prostate play, so if you'd like to read more, head over for all the details.
17. You can still use your mouth with a hand job
There's absolutely nothing to stop you from getting your mouth involved; in fact, why not use all of your body? We're covered head to toe with millions of sensitive nerve endings, so a little soft grazing around erogenous zones with our most sensual body parts can stimulate additional areas while keeping the penis at the center of attention.
Dropping down to stimulate the glans with your mouth as you work for for your hands up and down the shaft will only add sensation to the experience.
Ever heard of the term 'faux job'? That's what we're talking about. If your partner loves blow jobs, yet it takes a lot out of your neck and jaw to keep the pace they like, introducing a hand to do the hard work while your mouth and tongue keep everything wet, slippery, and sensational is a great way to get the same end result with a lot less effort.
18. Be consistent
This might seem like we're going back on ourselves, given that earlier, we spoke about varying the pace of stroking your partner's penis to achieve different levels of intensity and excitement during the time spent masturbating them. However, when you feel like things are finally heading toward the finish line, keeping the same motion and pace is just what's needed for an intense and powerful orgasm.
Imagine how it would feel to be denied a giant climax at the last minute, petering out with a whimper instead of an explosion.
Again, take your cues from your partner; you should be able to spot all the signs of when their grand finalé is approaching.
19. Talk dirty
For many, dirty talk doesn't come easy; for others, it's an art form. However, just whispering what you're doing in your partner's ear while delivering your hand job can turn them on. So if you know the kind of talk that gets your partner excited, build the level of lasciviousness and obscenity at the same rate as your hand job progresses, delivering your dirtiest talk as you drag them over the finish line.
If that's not entirely your style, you can play things a little safer by telling them how much you enjoy watching them get so aroused and occasionally asking them if they like what you're doing, going into a little more detail than expected to add just a touch of spice.
20. Show them that you’re turned on by handjobs too
If you let your partner know you're getting turned on by seeing them so excited, they'll get even more turned on, and the passion and arousal will build for both of you. We spoke about measuring where he's at by his facial expressions, so return the favor.
Let him see how much pleasure you get from giving him a hand job, upping the ante as you do.
21. Play with the temperature
Holding an ice pack will drop the temperature of your hand, and alternating between your hot and cold hands delivers a variety of sensations to your partner's penis. Ice play is a big turn-on for many, so as part of the build-up and anticipation, consider running ice cubes along the inner thighs, chest, and nipples to add to the adventure.
22. Add some toys to the mix
Thankfully, the sex toy market is extensive, with vast options for those with a penis. Most sex toys will bring a new level of play to any hand job. Whether they're vibrating rings or sleeves, masturbators, concentrating on the head of the penis or the entire shaft or teasing their behind with a butt plug while giving him a hand, each toy will open a new avenue for exploration and additional pleasure. Why not add a few to your repertoire to see where they lead?
- Cock/penis rings
- Vibrating penis rings
- Penis masturbators
- Penis sleeves
- Butt plugs and anal dildos – vibrating and non-vibrating models
23. Let them masturbate for a while
Not only will you get a break for your hard-working hands and wrists, but you can use this time to understand where he's at in the process and give yourself a treat too. Many women get just as turned on watching their partner masturbate as they do by helping them.
24. Play with the frenulum
Again, it's down to the individual, but many penis owners find the frenulum an incredibly sensitive area, tucked just under the glans (or head of the penis). The frenulum is the tiny piece of flesh that connects the shaft to the head. It looks like a small flap of skin and feels like a piece of string. If you're going to interact with it, take great care, as it's super sensitive.
Our top hand-job tip here is, just as your partner is about to achieve orgasm, switch from stroking to gently playing with the frenulum. It produces quite a different sensation during climax for many men than a regular hand job delivers.
25. Ease off at climax, slowing to a steady stop
With your man's penis in your hand, where they finish is up to you. If you both like it, let him ejaculate on your belly, breasts, in your hands, or mouth. The penis becomes even more sensitive after the climax, so respect that by slowing down and reducing pressure once your partner reaches orgasm.
Keep a delicate hold of the penis, and occasionally, gently squeeze it as he comes down to earth.
However, the best hand job doesn't end there. Keep a delicate hold of the penis, and occasionally, gently squeeze it as he comes down to earth. It'll show you're in no rush to get onto what's next, that you care, and give you both a moment to recover and regain composure, sharing an extra layer of closeness before the clean-up begins.
Summary
As much as men love a blow job, a hand job—delivered expertly, confidently, and just how your partner likes it—will add plenty of heat and pleasure to your playtimes.
As long as you continue to communicate with each other about what feels good and what feels great, you'll build all kinds of new tools to take what many still think of as a schoolboy antic to entirely new heights.
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